Zeitgeist Aversion pt 1

For what reason?

I have sought the words, and I cannot manage to put it better than Terence McKenna.

Culture is not your friend. It insults you. It disempowers you. It uses and abuses you. None of us are well treated by culture.

Culture seems to me a set of boxes (read:categories) with unique and overlapping attributes to each box. There are rules, and moving too quickly from one to another is often frowned upon. There is great beauty contained within these boxes, and each relationship between one box and another is truly unique. As one who inhabits say the cultures of disability and queerness, I’ll say I find the relationship between them to be so beautifully painful and astoundingly inspiring. There are many people who believe I am a very confused person, who ought to be something else, and that I’m quite malicious for such clear reasons as my craven desires and difficulty of expression.

I find it difficult to feel upset with those who bristle my feathers due to clear lack of understanding … your run of the mill homophobic liberal probably isn’t trying to hurt you when they tell you things you really don’t need to hear. Sometimes it makes me sad, feeling as though an alien to this world, but I’ve mostly grown to be comfortable in my dissociation from the pack. I suppose I’ve lucked out and landed among a collection or 2 of misfits too rowdy to be amongst the other misfits … trans sisterhood is a beautiful though often horribly painful thing.

I find it rare to wish things were easier for us, even though things are so hard and we’re losing our own far too often. For some reason unknown to me, I contain an uncontrollable optimism to the point that I am often convinced the world is perfect in its beauty. I feel foolish for admitting such a thing. I’m sure my grace will be shaken soon enough, that I will lose my temper with the way things are.

the beginning of a conversation

eh i got bored of pantheism/panpsychism

feeding a stupid little delusion of “ohh maybe when we die the thoughtmatter gets poured into a big ocean of thought like whatever the fuck happens when you get turned into tang in evangelion”

i dont claim to have the strongest definition of communication but the exchange of information that inanimate objects perform seems to be wildly indicative of the lives theyve lived

why does the black drink prevent sleeping? well you see there’s a plant in the tropics that at one point had to develop a technique to avoid being eaten which incidentally led to its cultivation and sooo…

personally made human objects contain intentions and stories and worlds poured into them and while i tend not to notice it sometimes it strikes me that it seems we are living in a very intentionally created sort of rubes goldberg machine created by the long dead

but yeah i feel that

i suppose you were talking about the kind of communication that you’d expect exclusively from conscious entities like the kind that happens synchronously, less predictably and all but idk there’s some pretty advanced pieces of metals and plastics put together in ways that have very much confused me for all of what communication decidedly is. between psychoactive chemicals with seeming personhoods, tools which seem to scream at me with ideas of how they’re to be used, and ideologies which exist not primarily as physical entities but rather amorphous and strict collections of concepts, ways of thinking and doing, in ink on page, vibrations in air …

i suppose i could believe that panpsychism does render fear of death to be less of like … a thing that’s very worrisome … but i think it’s just like the old saying about dying twice …

yeah this is mostly my feelings to there’s just a sort of frustration that it seems that all of those lines of flight skitter out of sight when you scrutinize an object too much leaving you feeling like an idiot holding a rock

i think putting this belief of mine to words has very much shined a light on “why is binnie like that?” well im going to die someday and i expected that day to have passed already and like it’s very obvious a girls most important mission to leave behind the most beautiful corpse and i believe a girls corpse extends past what was once her flesh

felt

i think one of the reasons i’m alive is because i feel like one of my only ways to earn that is thru sheer tenacity against it all

“she fought as hard as she could” might be good enough

my most strongly idealized fantasy is that i wish i could like cut off pieces of my childlike fascination with the world and my equally childlike necessity to cosntantly create physical proof of my existence like cutting a bar of soap and hand it to people

there’s a lot of me that believes it’s not a fantasy

the whole proving one’s existence thing is so exactly precise even though its such a cliche

i don’t really have the words to express it …. i keep seeing whatever phenomenon is behind hypnosis everywhere lately and i guess i feel like “proving one’s existence” is when one is able to act in pure defiance of that, if that’s even something that can be done

like, so much stuff seems automatic, so much stuff seems like it just follows consequently that sometimes it’s hard to feel like you or anything exists at all (you general not you specific. should have said one)

reminds me of another similarity you seem to share with sab

this like … aversion to zeitgeist participation …

what do i mean by that

obligate contrarianism

yeah

like if u were to indulge in too much puppygirlism u would get covered with some sickening conceptual ooze and die

when i was a kid and i came home from school sometimes my mom would ask me to debrief on what happened that day for the purpose of “deprogramming” anything that the “secular world” might be trying to insert into me.

i grew up very suspicious of ideas. well. some ideas.

realizing i had been conned made me suspect everything else.

the “zeitgeist aversion” is a deeply resepctable thing to me but also it seems very clearly a quite direct path to hermitage and misanthropy

yeah very much

i cut my teeth on philosophy & deep thinking in general with aestheticism so it’s like very easy for me to just live and breathe this stuff

like okay maybe it is trite and cliche and perhaps even downright fucking tacky but i will be damned if it isnt fun

there’s a wanting in me to package up this conversation and share it with sab. there’s another part of me that wants to make a groupchat for this purpose but out of my respect for yall 2s zeitgeist aversion i have another thought that’s like “that would be a grossly unnecessary usage of a groupchat”

“zeitgeist aversion” feels like the kind of thing that would be fun to write a blogpost about

thinking about this girl who like

like if we were to put zeitgeist comfort on a spectrum she’s significantly past me in the opposite direction from you and sab and i think she’s sooooo fucking annoying for it but i love her to death both in spite of her doing it and because of the particular way she does it

it has to live its whole life so you have to respect it

ii think it can digging in the culture for enjoyment

Parting thoughts

Thank you for reading. In addition to this conversation which I make up only half of, I have shared even more on this blog today which I did not write hikki schizo is of course in conversation with our questioning.

The keen eyed among you will have noticed this is part 1. In a future post(s), I hope to share the work I’ve done to work towards an understanding of what signifcance there is towards zeitgeist aversion as well as whatever the opposite may be, perhaps zeitgeist gambling? … stay tuned …

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